aching anxiety 

it’s 1AM.. you’re all alone in your room, the tv is playing but you’re not paying any attention to it. The only thing you’re focused on is your phone, you turn on  music hoping to find an escape.Everyone is asleep. Your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest,thoughts of everything you’ve done wrong begin racing through your head at what feels like a million miles per hour. What do you do? How do you make it stop? You’re afraid to wake anyone up because you know you’ll feel like such a bother. You want someone to be there for you, someone to listen to all your problems without judging you. You want to feel loved, but at the same time you want to feel absolutely nothing at all. Your heart is crumbling like a landslide…rock by rock piece by piece. The tears start streaming down your face like drops of rain. You have no idea why you’re crying. Maybe it’s the loss of a loved one, a friendship departure, the fight with your boyfriend, your parents arguing until broad daylight. Every struggle you’re facing smacks you in the face at once, and you can’t do a thing about it. You lay your head down on your soaked pillow feeling numb..feeling like a waste of space. But the question is are you a waste of space? You may feel like you are. Every lesson you’ve learned in life is a reason of why you’re the person you are today. Don’t let your aching anxiety get in the way. 


In our generation it seems like everyone wants to be a duplicate. Meaning everyone wants to do what everyone else is doing. For example, everyone wants to have the same shoes as everyone else, girls want to have the same dress but it has to reach their standards of fashion, wear the same brands as everyone else, but why doesn’t anyone want to actually do what they like? Teenagers are scared of rejection. Most importantly they are scared of being different. The idea is that we derive self-esteem from identifying with a group. The person who genuinely doesn’t care what people think, or who has no strong need to conform is very unique, but nobody sees that. Many people who believe to be nothing like this are the cause of this sensational thinking.  Do you ever ask yourself why do you want to fit in? Why don’t you want to be yourself? We are so lost in this bubble of thinking we need to be like everyone else, because if we aren’t we will not be accepted into society. That my friend, is really sad. Don’t get me wrong, im not saying I’ve never been  drawn into this world of thinking I need to be like everyone else. I have.  Throughout my years of high school its one thing that really bothered me, and its something that is honestly sad. You don’t have to be like everyone else. God made you to be your own person. Once you get out of high school your not going to care if SOMEONE LIKES YOUR SHOES OR THE SHIRT YOU WORE ON NOVEMBER 2nd OF 2016. It doesn’t matter and it WONT matter… YOU DESERVE TO BE YOU, YOU DESERVE TO BE WHO GOD PLANNED FOR YOU TO BE. Please understand that your wasting your time being like everyone else.

Being lost in a toxic world

It’s hard being a teenager, and having a good stable relationship with God. We go through cycles to where we are constantly stressed out about school,family,relationships, and just sometimes just surviving. There will be times in life where we find ourselves in toxic relationships that lead us into temptation of sin. It’s hard to let that go.. we think that person belongs in our lives, because they make you forget the struggles we are facing when in reality they’re straying you far away from God. I myself have found myself in that situation. I found myself lost only worrying about that certain person who built a wall around sin.I felt lost, and helpless. I wanted to talk to God I craved to talk to him, but I couldn’t I felt he was disappointed in my choices.. I only wanted that certain person to fill me up with words and encouragement just to make me feel better just so I would forget about a certain situation for the moment. I found myself not wanting to turn to God.  I was mad at myself for that,and I found myself alone again.  I was trapped,scared, and so alone I had to let that relationship go so I ran to God with arms wide open because I realized he was the only one who would be there for me in the end… Matthew 11:28 “Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”  he is there, he is listening, you’re not alone, you never will be. His arms are always open.